Miley Cyrus – Bangerz
In the current end of year list-o-rama, the Guardian’s list caught my eye for the wrong reason – namely that their writers managed to collectively rank Miley Cyrus‘s most recent album Bangerz above Jon Hopkins‘ incredible Immunity. But rather than spew ill-informed hatred, I decided I should at least listen to Miley’s record. For science. So, here’s what I thought of it…
…honestly, I should probably just put a funny gif here and have done with it, but here’s a track-by-track summary instead.
- Soppy ballad.
- Rihanna off-cut. (I’ve honestly been assuming that this was a particularly mediocre Rihanna song up until now.)
- Embarrassing attempt at ‘edgy’ rap.
- Comical country/rap fusion.
- Soppy ballad that shamelessly cribs from ‘Stand By Me’.
- I CAME IN LIKE A WREEEEECKING BAAAALL! (Probably the best thing on the album, for what little it’s worth.)
- Dross.
- Something cobbled together from the scraps from Daft Punk’s (turn)table(s).
- Miley Cyrus goes dubstep/soppy ballad hybrid.
- ‘Delilah’ with a dubstep chorus.
- Generic euphoria/hollow self-belief/terrible rapping/even more dubstep. “STAY IN YOUR LANE BITCH!”
- Soppy ballad.
- Rave rave rave, yawn yawn yawn.
- …fuck off, you really think I’m going to listen to the ‘bonus’ tracks?
In summary, you can quite safely get self-righteous about Immunity (or any other album of your choice) being better than Bangerz because Bangerz isn’t even “just good pop”, it’s just shit. You want a “banger” Miley? THIS is a “banger” – and also the perfect palate cleanser after having wasted 50 minutes of my life on your shitty record.
Let's Get Cynical 